I've always loved the hymns of the church. I've loved singing them, hearing them, playing them. The words are comforting and inspiring and their music peaceful and calming.
I'm sure you, among many, have church hymns that you've deemed as "your favorites." I'm the same way. In fact, I've carefully chosen "my favorites" over the years because of their lyrics and the way they make me feel when I'm singing/playing them.
That's why last week I was taken aback when I didn't choose my new favorite song....
Heavenly Father chose it for me.
Here's how the story goes:
As many of you know, this year has been a year ---hmmm, how to describe it best---full of emotions. That's it.
Lately, my emotions have been centered on the joyous experience it is to be expecting a baby. Ultrasounds and gender reveals and name brainstorming and crib shopping and planning and on and on and on and on and on. It has been a time of excitement, love, joy, gratitude, wonder, amazement, happiness, and looking forward to the near future.
However, in relation to my family's current situation and struggles it has also been a time of fear, worry, sadness and disappointment for me.
Because of all the emotions at this time in my life, I haven't been completely sure what to pray for when I pray each day. At times I feel like all these emotions are in me all at the same time, and as such it's been challenging to sort out/know what I should ask for in my daily prayers to my Heavenly Father. I told Him this. I told Him I didn't know what to ask for, I told Him I didn't know what I needed, I told Him I didn't know what He knows I need. I expressed everything to Him ("Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, lean not unto thine own understanding, and He shall direct thee for good").
He knew I didn't know- even before I told Him I didn't know. But once I told Him, something funny happened.......
Last Sunday, as I was sitting in church, the ward choir got up to sing. I admit, I was having a hard time paying attention that day and I'm pretty sure I was daydreaming as they began singing, "More Holiness Give Me."
During the song, something snapped me out of my daydream and brought my wandering mind to the song that was being sung---that something was the most overwhelming feeling of Heavenly Father assuring me that He has heard ALL of my prayers (for me, for Jeff, for our child, for my family members). He also let me know that'd it'd be OKAY. The feeling was so encompassing-from my fingers down to my feet---it was the answer I had been looking for of reassuring peace and comfort and trust in the Lord, AND-exactly what to pray for....
6 days later (today) the church sisters and I gathered for wonderful instructional talks given during the church's General Relief Society Broadcast. I was touched when the speakers spoke about faith and trust and hope and service and prayer during the different stages of life that we all go through, some WONDERFUL, some not-so-good, and sometimes both at the same time. I was uplifted and didn't think I could be more truly touched than I was during the talks of the speakers, but I was wrong.
the closing song was this.
A steady fall of tears ran down my cheeks during the whole song as I said a prayer of gratitude to my Heavenly Father for the tender mercy of hearing this song again. It can't be a coincidence that the ONE closing hymn for the entire church's General Relief Society Meeting (out of the three hundred and something hymns there are in the hymn book), just happened to be "More Holiness Give Me." Maybe I don't know exactly how I'm feeling all of the time, and maybe I don't know what the future holds for my family, but maybe, just maybe-this song was a reminder that I don't have to know everything, just that He is there, aware and involved in every aspect of mine and my family's life, and of that, I'm sure.