This post is not meant to make you feel sorry for me. We ALL have trials and hard times in life that range from very manageable & handleable to unthinkable and unbearable at times. I'm sure you've all had ones you could write a book about. However, recently I've been feeling like it would be good to get everything down in writing, here goes:
I've never been superstitious...at all. But I think this year has changed that. When 2013 rolled around I was hit with ONE THING after ANOTHER. It may just be easiest to make a list:
# 1/January- My teaching year has been unbelievably stressful this year, especially as January rolled around, things in my classroom seemed to get worse. I won't go into details but basically there were a few students who would behave SO badly, I'd wondered if they had been raised by something other than humans. But then I remembered, these particular kids basically raised themselves, which yes, is very sad, but that didn't make the situation any less stressful. Their bad behavior (to put it VERY nicely) was out of control. Next, my principal informed me that I'd be moving to 1st grade next year. I'm sure I'll be successful, but I'm VERY nervous. Kindergarten and 1st grade are extremely different, especially in TX, and it will be a lot more pressure, changes, and responsibility.
#2/February-We became pregnant in January!! But Jeff and I had a miscarriage in February. It was a very hard time for us, and not too many people knew about us being pregnant in the first place ( I was 7.5 weeks along), which is not very far, but it was still a big loss and let down.
#3/March-Cue My Parent's Divorce- What else can I say? Growing up, I had the perfect family, no tensions or issues, or fights, just dinner together every night, help with homework, my parents supporting and loving each other and my brother & I, church every Sunday and, long nights of laughter and fun. If you had asked me was divorce ever possible? I would have said you were "out of your mind and nothing like that would ever happen." But life happens I suppose, and things change. My mom and dad began having marital issues right about the time I left for college in 2007. They are both such good people, in fact, the BEST people I know. So it's extremely hard to wrap my mind around. (ie: what will future Christmas mornings be like, or Thanksgivings? What about the fact that I'm going to lose the house I grew up in and have so many memories in as a result of this? How can I best serve and support them?) It feels all-encompassing and overwhelming very often.
#4/ April-May-We have not been able to become pregnant again yet. Disheartening.
#5/June-Jeff is extremely stressed about his upcoming Med school 2 STEP exam (one test and one test alone basically determines what kind of doctor he can be, where we will live, how much money we will make, what our FUTURE will be like. HOW can anyone possibly think, "Ooo! I know! Let's determine medical families' futures by an 8 hour exam!!" And then their colleague said, "Wow! Great idea!"
Moving on. As a result, Jeff has been very stressed and feeling not as prepared as he'd like to be and as such is now going to be pushing his test-date back three weeks, therefore, we've had to cut our summer break and summer plans in half by canceling many of them.
(Here comes the ironic part of the #5 trial. On Sunday, when Jeff and I talked about canceling our Summer plans to push the test-date back, I burst into tears. (Yes, I know this seems a little extreme, but I just felt like, "Seriously? Something ELSE??") I joked with Jeff, "Well, we might as well add ANOTHER hard trial in our life, what difference would it make now? After all, 2013 just seems to be a free for all of hard times..."
Well, be careful what you say...
#6 /(JUNE AGAIN)- 2 days after I made my joke, Jeff noticed 2 funny moles on his calf that hadn't been there before that seem to be funny colors and possibly changing colors. He went into the doctor today to get them checked, and was referred to a dermatologist. His appointment is next week to cut them out to check if they're cancerous or not.
IT HAS BEEN HAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD. I've never been this stressed or cry this much before. Probably because my trials have been evenly separated and spread out in the past, luckily. But no trials come without blessings.
#1- One student moved away and the others have gotten a little better, My kindergarteners learned everything they were supposed to and are ready for 1st grade, and The Kinder Quotes, well, if you've read those on FB, they are a blessing in themselves.
#2-At least we know we are able to get pregnant; my heart goes out to those who struggle with infertility
#3- The blessings of comfort and peace that my Sweet Heavenly Father has given me during this is a little to personal and sacred to elaborate on, but suffice it to say, I KNOW He's with me and my family, through little evidences that have occurred, such as time in the Celestial room of the temple feeling my Savior's love "in all the world around me"
#5- I know we will get where we need to be and are supposed to be in the future, at least we have a small summer break. I know some people don't even have that.
#6 Looking on the bright side, I'm not letting myself get concerned about cancer until the dermatological appt. So maybe my brain can have so peace about this subject until the appt in 2 weeks.
In the year 2013, have there just 6 trials? No, there have been MANY more (but more insignificant not worthy of being listed because they are the common annoyances everyone has.
But the main thing I wan't to ask............Are there just 6 blessings?
They truly can not be counted, listed, described, or even seen (because I'm sure that's what many of them are, unseen blessings. And for that knowledge in it self, I am blessed.